There are two conclusions I’ve come to in life and like to make very clear to my clients before embarking on our journey together.
First, every behavior is brilliant in the right context, and second, don’t be afraid to fire your therapist
A little ballsy and a little radical, no? Well, I have been fortunate to sit on both sides of the couch and would like to save my clients from some of the therapy wounds I incurred before I became a therapist.
You see, I grew up a military brat being dragged every few years to a new home and being forced to create a new version of my identity to fit the new environment I inhabited. I started to see how invaluable context is in understanding one’s environment. I got first-hand experience seeing how much our environment influences how we make meaning of the world around us. In one place, I adapted seamlessly into my world and in the next, I painfully pushed through just grateful to survive.
As an adult, I defined relationships through the lens of someone who lived a transient life. One day a friend called me out for being a “shitty” friend, and I realized how much my history of frequent moves influenced how I learned to protect myself from vulnerability and intimacy in relationships. As a brat, it was critical to surviving the constant losses I would inevitably encounter. However, as an adult, it made for quite the challenge in establishing and nurturing long-lasting relationships. My friend was brave enough to exist in the discomfort as I parsed through behaviors that, although once ingenious, had now become detrimental to what I valued in life.
I look at therapy styles as a variety of languages. And there are many. As I went through my therapeutic journey as the client, I did not have this very critical bit of knowledge. I remember sitting in a therapy room for 5-6 months oscillating between feelings of self-flagellation and invalidation. It was only when a respected mentor shared the same brilliant phrase, “Don’t be afraid to fire your therapist,” that I gave myself permission to trust myself. I needed a different style than that therapist was capable of providing.
Therapy is such a personal and intimate relationship.
It requires significant safety and trust needed to dig deep and trudge through unpleasant, painful, and sometimes traumatic wounds created over a lifetime.
To do great work, you need a therapist who can really see you.
If I don’t speak your language, I support and encourage you to fire me as unapologetically as I fired the therapist who did not speak in the therapeutic language I needed. I want you to know this work is not about me. Therapy is designed solely for you and your needs in creating a thriving life. I feel privileged to accompany you or to be the first person to give you permission to trust yourself.
To my other point, I am open and “human” in my sessions. If you are looking for a “tabula rasa” or blank slate therapist, I am most definitely not for you. I am a human and let my clients know that though this is a professional relationship, it is in fact a relationship with another human being.
I am inspired by many styles of therapy
Most notably systems and relational based approaches and third wave behaviorism that build from a multicultural lens. I deeply value and always attempt to practice cultural humility and responsitivity.
BA Psychology - Spelman College (2008)
MA Counseling - Northwestern University (2016)
PsyD Psychology - University of Denver Graduate School of Professional Psychology (2020)
Certified yoga instructor
Formal internship at the South Texas Veteran’s Health Care System
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We’re Speaking the Same Language
